The Illusionist

So many changes in so little time.  I was checking out my diary entries and I can't believe how fast my mind changes about situations and people.  Fortunately, in a way that shows that they taught me something, otherwise, I'd be a little concerned.  I've been practicing being in the moment.  Like my insectoid-sentient messengers.  I learned how to sit still in my own life, by observing them.  Especially moths, crickets and grasshoppers.  Their big compound eyes and antennae busy while they observe their environment before making their move.  My impulsive Aries days are over, so it seems.  I kept pulling the Judgment tarot card.  I knew right away when I pulled the card what I had to let go of.

I need to let go of my illusions.  My whole life I've painted this world around me, the colors my reactions, the paintbrush my emotions.  I was always using the same colors and brushstroke... how boring...  I've decided to whitewash everything and start all over.  Instead of assigning significance to the people and events I encounter everyday, I just want to observe them, without the routine commentary and emotions. 

I feel like my mind works too hard doing this wierd narration thing.  I was thinking the other day, did I always talk to myself in my head or did that just happen over time?  Is my brain really supposed to narrate my life?  Seems a little unnecessary, I can very well see, hear, smell, feel and taste what's going on.

For example, when I saw the picture above of the Comet Moth, I thought to myself, I would freak out if I saw a moth that looked like that.  Why would I think that?  Its beautiful, its not some carnivorous beast that's going to eat me alive.... I don't know about you sometimes, Nice....

I've been musing:  what if I trained my brain to quit the narration, like switching my focus.  Because when I switch my focus regarding physical things in my life things change big time.  So perhaps if I try encouraging my brain to focus more in the moment, and be quiet, some interesting things will happen.  We shall see...